Lately, my oldest who is 4, almost 5, has developed a more sophisticated part of her mind - the part that has empathy for characters in books and movies, the part that worries about the future, and the part that frets about the inevitableness of death.
Last month, I took her to an OBGYN appointment and as we were waiting in the exam room, I showed her a cool 3D model of a woman’s reproductive system. There were slide out cards that showed different things that could go wrong in a pregnancy - placenta previa or C-section. She became very disturbed at the C-section drawing and started to cry, “I don’t want you to have a C-section.” I tried to reassure her that C-sections were usually for emergencies. This led to a bunch of follow up questions throughout the day about what qualified as an emergency. It also led to discussions of the baby possibly dying without the option of surgeries. It preoccupied her mind. Later that night she burst into tears and said, “I never want a baby. I never want a C-section.” I was surprised and maybe a little unempathetic that she was STILL worried about it!
This is only one side of her obsession with mortality. One day, she started asking me about death and what it felt like. I told her, “it probably feels like falling asleep and never waking up. But I don’t know, I’ve never died.” She then asked me when I would die. My answer: “Maybe in 10 years.” This seemed to satisfy her for awhile, because to her, 10 years is forever. Then randomly, while lying in the dark before sleep, she asked me, “Mom, when you die, can I have a spot next to you so we can be buried together?” It seemed strange to me that of all the things to think about before sleep, she was thinking about this.
But this is growing up. No longer does she simply worry about toys or friends but now hypotheticals and death. They grow up so fast...
