Creepy Creepy Children
If I were a professor at a university, I would teach a class called, "The Science of Why Children Are so Creepy."
It seems that all good horror films utilize this science. The Sixth Sense, Mama, The Messengers, The Orphanage, The Ring all have children at the center of the plot because filmmakers know their movies will become instantly creepier with a child in it. Why is this?
Maybe it has to do with the fact that children, especially young children, can't talk. Talking is a way to humanize something or communicate. Without this tool, children seem mysterious and even distant. My baby doesn't say words yet, but sometimes she makes primal grunting noises that are cute during the day, but imagine hearing these noises in the middle of the night in the dark. No talking = Creepy.
Another reason children can be so creepy is because children are so disarmingly innocent and cute. Imagine you see a hairy man in a dark alleyway. You know right away that you should not go there. Hairy men are too obvious in their creepiness. Now imagine you see a little baby in a dark alleyway. It lures you with its giggles and wide-eyed stares. Then, when it's too late, the baby stands up and pulls out a knife. Your stomach drops because, like a blind roller coaster, you had no warning.
Babies are creepy because they crawl. Think of all the things that crawl or drag themselves on the floor: spiders, legless people, the list goes on and on. When babies graduate to walking, they shed some of their creepiness because they become more human-like rather than this mass on the floor.
It's a simple formula, really. Think of something scary, then add a baby to it. For example: Zombies. Now think of baby zombies. Life just got a lot less hopeful. Here's another: A haunted house. Now think of a haunted NICU. It's almost violating.
Anyway, why the thoughts on creepy children? My baby decided she wanted to drink out of a cup last week. We gave her cactus juice which looked like blood. The end result? A baby zombie. Some theorize that a baby zombie would be harmless because they have no teeth, thus having no means of passing on the zombie virus. I, on the other hand, believe that babies would make the worst kind of zombie, and teeth or no teeth, they'd find a way.
